Scott: transition

There’s an emotional tension the comes when moving on from someone I’ve loved deeply. I no longer want to linger on something that cannot be, especially when that lingering costs current and future happiness.  At the same time, moving on makes me feel like I value what I’ve loved less – like maybe if I don’t feel the pain deeply, the love wasn’t as real as I thought. I want the love to be real.

Moving on also has implications on the word “love.” I want to believe love is powerful and transformative. If I don’t let the love transform me, if I don’t look different on the other side of it – even if that transformation comes through pain – then maybe love is not as powerful as I want to believe.

There’s a balance to be had that the song describes well. In the song, he has “one foot in, and one foot back” but he’s trying to move one “cutting the ties” and “jumping the tracks.” There’s a profound need to value the past while simultaneously moving on from it; to live in one’s present while not forgetting that place from which one has come. Holding on, while letting go.

Both feel dangerous. If I forget my past, then who am I? But if I can’t live in now, how can I be happy?